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I came out as a gay man a few years ago and I thought I could finally find comfort and acceptance, but it didn't take me long to realize how toxic the culture of body shaming was in the gay community. Those lines were taken straight from bios of Grindr profiles that I read this morning.
They made me question why I decided to redownload the dating app time and again. The last profile bio I came across just broke my heart. Should that person apologize for being plus-size in this world? Should I? When I came out, I was excited to live in a time with plenty of dating apps for people like me to meet one another. I was naive then.
Cherie Fox, 25
I did not yet realize that once people saw my picture—my round, grinning face, thick glasses, oversized T-shirt and pants—they immediately marked me as undesirable. Hundreds of men rejected and ignored me, or even mocked me for having the nerve to ask them out. From my observations over the years, gay men can be very unforgiving when it comes to judging different body types that people have—even more so than straight men. Many gay men spend a lot of time in the gym hoping to look like ancient Greek gods someday. Your fashion sense and how you carry yourself matter too, especially in big cities like Jakarta.