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Are our desires influenced by our struggle for identity? And what commonalities lie within our collective psychological experiences? The tension of east and west and some of its complexities are especially exhibited in our dating scene. In popular gay Asian colloquialism, there lies the cultural notion that desires revolve around two specific racial choices — rice or potato? This divide seemed commonplace, even manifesting itself within a speed dating event in Sydney. At the event, we were given 12 dates at five minutes each and no one was allowed to talk about work.

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Interestingly a lot of the people I came across were open to everyone in terms of race when I asked them. I wanted to pry even further though, so I inquired if there were any patterns or differences in their dating experiences when it came to dating either white or Asian men. Three people separately mentioned smell which I guess is fair. A guy called Don told me he felt more comfortable with Asian guys since more of them wanted something similar in terms of a relationship , while Caucasian men were either interested in a hookup or seemed much older than him. Another person, Jason agreed with this and said that he preferred Asian men because they were similar in their traditions.

Jason also felt that other Asian men were culturally more family orientated and more open to monogamy and dating, whereas western guys appeared to be focused on sex. As Eric continued to talk, he revealed how he became more comfortable with his cultural heritage growing up. It was during that process he became more open to dating other Asian men. Jason also recalled a similar experience.

He believes some Asian men go through a journey where they discover themselves in life, and then are ready to date other Asians. In a sense, being able to attain this whiteness even through association through others marks a sense that we belong to this sort of class. Growing up as an Asian person in Australia can also be a disorientating experience be- cause of the bodies that surround us. We might personally wish that we had blue eyes and blond hair so we fit in to the represented ideal or normal person.

And in addition to our sense of selves, our skewed ideals of romance are constructed through the same lens.

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On the contrary, if our experiences of Asian, or othered coloured men are reduced to shallow stereotypes, then how are we expected to believe in or love them? They found that communication was associated with more condomless sex for YMSM who were out to their parents, speculating that this may be due to parents' difficulties communicating about sex with YMSM. Although not examined in these studies, communication may be most likely to have negative consequences when parents are not accepting of their child's sexual orientation.

While parents who are more accepting of their child's sexual orientation may be more likely to monitor, even parents who are less accepting can have an interest in monitoring their child's behavior and keeping them safe. They suggested that monitoring may not work for parents of YMSM, because the youth may be dishonest about their whereabouts, especially if they perceive their parents as not accepting their sexual orientation. Qualitative studies have focused on late adolescents and early adults who were out to their parents LaSala, ; Rose et al.

For instance, capacities that moderate risk taking e. We were interested in the adolescent perspective on: In order to participate, they had to meet the following criteria: Participants were recruited nationally through paid Facebook advertisements from February to April Recruitment continued until the information collected during the focus groups was judged to be saturated.

After each focus group, the research team discussed new information that emerged, compared it to existing information from previous focus groups, and judged whether or not additional focus groups were likely to lead to additional information. The advertisement led to an online eligibility survey and those who appeared eligible based on their responses were contacted by telephone to confirm eligibility, provide information about the study, assess understanding of study procedures and decisional capacity Moser et al.

A total of people completed the eligibility survey, were eligible, and 59 enrolled. Of those 59, 52 completed at least one day of the focus group 6 enrolled, but did not complete the baseline survey, which was a prerequisite to participating in the focus group, and 1 enrolled and completed the baseline survey, but did not participate in the focus group. Participants were able to provide demographic information for up to four parents.

Prior to participating in the focus groups, participants completed online questionnaires. Four online focus groups were conducted between February and May Online focus groups were used to overcome challenges related to youth participation e. For each focus group, data were collected asynchronously over two consecutive days using a password-protected bulletin board website vBulletin.

Each focus group was moderated by two research team members and enrolled participants. While it has been suggested that focus groups include up to 12 participants Krueger, , we enrolled a larger number with the expectation that there would be attrition. Consistent with our expectation, despite enrolling participants in each focus group, there were participants who responded to questions on at least one day of each focus group. All research team members had access to the online bulletin boards and were able to monitor the discussions, which participants accessed using a pseudonym to protect their privacy DuBois et al.

Questions were posted each morning and participants could answer at their convenience, to accommodate challenges of engaging a diverse sample of youth across various time zones in an online discussion. Participant responses were visible for all research team members and participants to see, wherein participants could comment, reply to, or provide feedback on other participants' responses.

Moderators prompted participants who did not respond and probed respondents for clarification or additional information. All procedures were approved by the university's Institutional Review Board. Parental permission was waived for this minimal risk study on the grounds that it was not a reasonable requirement to protect participants and appropriate protective mechanisms were in place a decisional capacity assessment, a discussion about the privacy measures taken by the study team and that the participants could take, and a Certificate of Confidentiality from the National Institutes of Health Mustanski, Those who were out to at least a few people were asked if they were out to each of their self-reported parents or guardians.

Focus group questions were organized into three themes: For parent-adolescent relationships, adolescents were asked questions such as: How did you feel talking about this with your parents? How do you think your parents felt? Therefore, all youth regardless of outness were asked the same questions. Transcripts were imported into Dedoose mixed-methods software for analyses. We used deductive and inductive coding to examine patterns of interest while also allowing themes to emerge throughout the analysis. We began with a preliminary codebook, but expanded it as themes emerged.

Further, coder memos were compared to identify new themes that emerged consistently beyond existing codes and to identify codes that overlapped and could be collapsed.

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Thus, the analysis was a dynamic process, such that each transcript informed the analysis of further transcripts. Codes were applied to each transcript to identify excerpts representing each theme, with subcodes developing as examples of themes. The coders achieved a kappa score of. Participant quotes are presented verbatim with the exception of minor edits to spelling and grammar to facilitate readability. Our analyses revealed three main themes: Table 2 presents counts and percentages for code endorsement percentages are based on how many youth answered questions relevant to each code.

For instance, a 17 year-old, White, gay male who was out to his parents described it as: It's as if like they think my gay might rub off on them. I feel as though that because I am not straight, it puts a strain on my relationship with my father. Rather than being an active part of my life, he decides to only participate when he needs to….

He favors my sister more than me which makes me upset and confused. I hope that in the future I could have a relationship with my father similar to that of when I was not out. Other youth described hostile exchanges with their parents, including threats about HIV and derogatory language.

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One explained: Another adolescent described his parents' negative reaction when he came out:. My mom like freaked the f out. For example, a 16 year-old, Black, gay male described an experience with his grandmother who was his guardian: Adolescents typically described mothers as more supportive and fathers as unsupportive or disinterested.

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For example:. Me and my mom are really close. I feel as though when I came out we got closer while me and my dad only grew apart. I like how I can talk to my mom about anything… My mom is always interested in if I'm dating someone but not what we do on those dates.



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I think being gay makes me and my mom closer because she loves gay guys -year-old, Black, gay, out to parents. A 17 year-old, White, gay male said: For instance, a 17 year-old, White, bisexual male said: I think it just affects aspects of it, like talking about safe sex or relationship issues involving a male partner. These youth typically expressed concern that their relationships with their parents would change if they came out, often describing experiences where their parents made homophobic comments.

For instance, one explained: Similarly, another described: But they have talked to me about homosexuality a few times…. These adolescents also described experiences where their parents made assumptions that they were heterosexual and, in turn, asked them questions that made them uncomfortable:. Although most youth who were not out to their parents expressed concern that their parents would not approve of their sexual orientation, one described that he had not come out to his parents because he just was not ready yet: They typically indicated that they had talked about sex at least once, but discussions were sparse, vague, and uncomfortable.

Conversations tended to focus on safety e. For instance, one adolescent explained: Another described being asked uncomfortable questions: They described conversations becoming less frequent and less supportive.

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For instance:. Once I came out, don't let me even mention any guy friend let alone sex.



The conversation was way different because with me being gay they never want answers to the questions they ask, but when they thought I was straight they were always encouraging me to engage with females. Some adolescents perceived their parents as being more interested in and supportive of their heterosexual siblings' dating experiences. For instance, one said:.

Honestly I think because of how unsupportive my family is they really just don't even want to know about who I am dating. Everything we do with each other such as dates and activities. But as you said they ARE very disinterested in my love life, whereas my sis who is dating an older boy and they are always checking up on her.

Introduction

Some parents referred to similar sexual health risks with male and female partners e. For instance, one adolescent explained:. At one point, I had a boyfriend who was a senior in high school. My mother adored him and did not bother to talk to me of the dangers of STDs and unprotected sex… But, around eighth grade, which is about two years ago, I had a girlfriend who I dated for about a year. My mother lectured me greatly and urged me to use protection due to the fact she could get pregnant.

At one point she even gave me condoms and lubricant. I find it strange that my mother would not discuss the other things that come along with unprotected sex, like STDs, when I was in an intimate relationship with a male. I feel as though she thought that because neither of us could get pregnant that there was no danger.