Being a gay top

A marathon-sex, Preparation-H, take-dick-like-a-champ bottom.

I tend to outlast tops. Ten tops looking for a bottom? No problem.

Why, then, am I writing this article? Because there is no one better to ask about topping than a bottom. And although we generally present these sex roles as fixed, here is an unavoidable truth that most gay men of a certain age will tell you: Even if you start off batting for one team or another, most of us become versatile over time. Sure, there are a few lifelong total tops out there, but many gay men begin to see the silliness of closing ourselves off to an entire half of the sodomy experience.

I have found myself in an increasing number of situations where I want to make the men I like feel good. Most tops could use a lesson on how to top better, and most self-identified bottoms will at some point be at the altar of his ass, ready to worship but unsure of what to do.

Whichever way you lean, browse my 17 tips on how to be a better, beastly top. My name is Alexander Cheves, and I am known by friends in the kink and leather community as Beastly.

1. Vasiliy Lomachenko: The Real-Life Diet of the World's Best Pound-for-Pound Boxer.
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4. How to Know If You’re a Top or a Bottom - GQ.
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6. Search form.

I am a sex-positive writer and blogger. As with everything I write, the intent of this piece is to break down the stigmas surrounding the sex lives of gay men. So part of the thing that you have to ask yourself is, 'What am I comfortable with?

Do I like initiating sex? Do I like telling my partner what to do, or do I like being told what to do? You might like taking your car for a service just as much as servicing it yourself.

As Miller explains, there are outside forces that, dating back to the ancient Greeks, have prevented gay men from truly digging into what sexual behaviors we might actually enjoy. The ongoing fetishization of masculinity means that the traditionally submissive role of the bottom is associated with effeminacy. Chris White, an expert in health promotion and the director and principal investigator of the Safe and Supportive Schools Project at the Gay-Straight Alliance Network in San Francisco, takes this one step further.

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So there's some shaming there. And it's feminine type shaming, as well. Not only are you saying that it's more masculine to be a top, but you're saying that you should be ashamed to be a bottom. But as with everything sexual, these things are usually on a spectrum that is often contextual.