Online dating community for gay men with erectile dysfunction

Bradley, 24, used to worry every day about his ability to perform. Three years ago, in the course of a year-long relationship, he remembers sitting in front of the TV with his partner, unable to concentrate on what they were watching because a voice had begun in his head.

It would say: Not one I found funny, though. He sought treatment from the NHS, but this in itself was an unhappy experience. After a six-month wait, Bradley was referred to a psychosexual counselling service for therapy, which he found helpful, but by then it was too late: Afterwards, the ED went away. It is the difference between having to give a speech in front of all the people you most respect in the world, or a group of strangers — which is going to make you more nervous? Many see it as shaming to seek professional help for ED, so instead use Viagra as a judgment-free fix; it is now available without a prescription in the UK.

But while carrying Viagra may prevent embarrassment in the bedroom, it can lead to other humiliations.

Bradley was on a night out when he got searched by a bouncer, who discovered a Viagra pill in his pocket. When men feel like sexual failures, it can erode their identity. When prostate cancer survivor and former US senator Bob Dole fronted commercials for Viagra in the late s, he was mocked mercilessly. I hear that a lot. As a result, men who experience ED will often continue to speak about their sexual performance as if nothing is amiss.

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Alex remembers sitting in a bar with his then-girlfriend and her friends, feeling paranoid. Erectile dysfunction is, of course, not only a problem for straight couples. Luke is a year-old marketing executive from London who has been in sexual relationships with men who have the problem. He says men with erectile dysfunction sometimes turn to casual encounters facilitated via apps as a way to circumvent performance anxiety.

At the end of the day, a man is there to perform. At the same time, dating men with ED has had some unexpected positive side-effects. Still, the male omerta around ED runs deep. After we speak, Toby texts me, begging me to delete his number and never contact him again. Others will only speak to me in euphemisms. Many men find support in anonymous online communities: While psychotherapy can help with anxiety-related ED, in many cases there is, in fact, a physiological cause.

If the ED is hormone-related, testosterone therapy is an option, and recent research has indicated there is a genetic component to some cases, raising the prospect of new, gene-based therapies in the future. There are two main types:. Because getting an erection also relies on your thoughts and feelings, tackling any worries or relationship issues as well as having medical treatment for erection problems, often works well.

The GAy MEn Sex StudieS: erectile dysfunction among Belgian gay men

Keeping a healthy weight , stopping smoking and doing pelvic floor exercises may help improve your erections. Your GP, hospital doctor or nurse can prescribe treatment for erection problems for free on the NHS, whether it's for sex or masturbation.

There may be a limit on how much treatment they can prescribe, but there is no age limit. It can be difficult talking about sex, but talking to your doctor, nurse or other health professional will mean you can get treatment and support.

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You can ask about sexual problems at any stage - before, during or after your prostate cancer treatment. Talking about it before your treatment will mean you know what to expect and can help you to prepare to start treatments for sexual problems soon afterwards. Your team should ask you about your erections and sex life during your treatment for prostate cancer. But if they don't then you may need to bring it up yourself.

Not everyone is used to talking about sex. You might need to bring it up more than once, or with a different person in your team. You can also ask to be referred to an expert in sexual problems or an ED clinic - they will be used to talking about sexual problems. This is because some types of hormone therapy lower your testosterone levels, which is what gives you your sex drive.

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Read more about how hormone therapy affects you. If you're on long-term hormone therapy, ask your doctor or nurse about intermittent hormone therapy. This is where you stop hormone therapy when your PSA level is low and steady, and start it again if it starts to rise. Your desire for sex may improve after hormone therapy is stopped, but this can take several months.

You might want to try treatments for erection problems, even if your sex drive is low. Some of the treatments for erection problems may still work for you. Your thoughts and feelings If you are feeling stressed or down then you may have less interest in sex.

The GAy MEn Sex StudieS: erectile dysfunction among Belgian gay men

Tiredness All treatments for prostate cancer can cause tiredness fatigue. This can be during and after treatment. If you're feeling very tired - you may lose interest in sex or not have enough energy for it. Other side effects Other side effects of prostate cancer treatments such as urinary and bowel problems can affect your sex life. Physical changes caused by hormone therapy, such as weight gain or breast swelling, may make you feel embarrassed and less interested in sex.

Some men notice that their penis is shorter after surgery radical prostatectomy. Some men notice other changes such as a curve in their penis or a narrower area. We don't know for certain why these changes happen, but it could be because of low oxygen levels in the penis, caused by not having erections. Other treatments such as hormone therapy with radiotherapy may also cause changes to the size of your penis. Encouraging blood flow to the penis after surgery may help prevent this.

In particular, using a vacuum pump, either on its own or with PDE5 inhibitor tablets could help maintain your penis size and improve erections. Although you may not be ready or recovered enough for sex, you can still start treatment for erection problems in the weeks immediately after surgery. It could be taking a low-dose PDE5 tablet once a day or using a vacuum pump, or sometimes both together. The treatment along with masturbation encourages blood flow to the penis.

All men struggle to get an erection at some point in their lives

This can help keep your penis healthy. You may hear this called penile rehabilitation. Think of it in the same way as having physiotherapy if you had injured your arm or leg. Starting treatment soon after surgery may help improve your chance of getting and keeping an erection. But it may not work for every man. After prostate cancer treatment you will still have feeling in your penis and you should still be able to have an orgasm, but this may feel different from before. Some men lose the ability to orgasm, especially if they're on hormone therapy. If you've had radical prostatectomy , you will no longer ejaculate when you orgasm.

This is because the prostate and seminal vesicles, which make some of the fluid in semen, are both removed during the operation. Instead you may have a dry orgasm - where you feel the sensation of orgasm but don't ejaculate. Occasionally, you might release a small amount of liquid from the tip of your penis during orgasm, which may be fluid from glands lining the urethra.

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With radiotherapy, brachytherapy and HIFU you may also notice a small amount of blood in the semen. This usually isn't a problem but tell your doctor or nurse if this happens. Some men on hormone therapy say their orgasms feel less intense. This is where the semen travels backwards into the bladder when you orgasm, rather than out through your penis.

The semen is then passed out of the body when you next urinate. It isn't harmful and shouldn't affect your enjoyment of sex but it may feel quite different to the orgasms you're used to. Some men leak urine when they orgasm, or feel pain.