Dating asian gay guys
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Why queer Asian men often date white guys
David can be chatting to a guy on an app for days or even weeks before he's suddenly cut off. And the conversation ends there.
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You don't get any justification of why," David says. When an Asian is compared to a Caucasian, are they less attractive? It's a question Asian Australian filmmaker Tony Ayres highlighted 20 years ago in his documentary China Dolls, during an era when guys used to hook up through published personals ads. As a teenager, I remember watching China Dolls on late night television.
It made me question my own place in the world. For many gay guys, especially in an image-conscious city like Sydney, it's hard not to feel the pressure of being like the hypermasculine men at the gym, walking around, shaking bottles of protein supplements. Yes it has, when you don't want to be seen as a particular stereotype.
Eric has been on the dating scene for a couple of years and has become more ripped since I first met him several years ago. His abs would probably strike envy in many men.
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I wore big, thick black glasses. I am who I am and I'm happy with that. Even though David may have reached a certain level of "hotness", he still gets backhanded compliments. I walked West 11th Street to get here, he said. Do you think it's out of our reach, to live there? My heart caught in my ribs. Oh, I said, without explaining. It's not out of our reach. It's our destiny.
He seemed to accept this. We were both drunk. For a long time, living on West 11th was my dream—and while its power over me came from Grace Paley having lived there, the brick buildings were low, so there was beautiful light, and from Fifth Avenue to the Hudson Highway, these beautiful rooms full of books and art suggested lives that mesmerized me as I walked by.
One of my very favorite writers once did me the compliment of naming someone in one of her stories, published in the New Yorker , after me—and giving him a home on West 11th. The closest I will ever get to this dream. I think it was this moment that pierced me, but there were many, really. He was that sort of dangerous beauty with a knack for knowing just what I dreamed about.
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In retrospect I should have guessed: He reminded me of a friend from college who had studied Chinese and Korean, practiced Chinese calligraphy, trained in tae kwon do, and dated Korean women almost exclusively. A friend who'd once said to me, I'm half-Korean, too. Just, inside. On one of our first dates, he came over to my apartment and told me about the books I'd just been given by my grandfather, the jokbo for our family.
I'm the oldest male in my generation, the 42nd, and by Korean tradition, we are given them. The books are kept in an antiquated Chinese script, and I am unable to read them, but he could read them. It was the sort of thing that shamed me regularly for the sort of upbringing I'd had—my father had committed us to assimilation and had not wanted us to speak Korean.
He had died when I was young, though, and the language gap left us estranged from his family afterward.
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