How to send a message in gay online dating

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I was terrible at dating. And the reason for that was simple, too: I came out at the very end of college, and I struggled. Some of my best friends today are people I met on tumblr years ago.

Dating apps immediately seemed familiar, and not all that different from other ways to build relationships online. Hooking up with girls and connecting with other local queer people no longer seemed insurmountable. But I had some fun. Some Tinder philosophers maintain that you should never send the first message.

I personally think that approach is bullshit. You swiped right; they swiped right. Why wait? Send the first message! Start with a question. My recommendation? Ask an absurdly specific and slightly bizarre question about pop culture. Below, some suggestions for Tinder opening lines. Borrow and go forth. Or suggest your own in the comments! This line was, without a doubt, my favorite way to start conversations on Tinder. One time, a girl gave a complete answer with reasons and everything… only to later admit that she had never seen any of the films and had made the whole thing up in a panic.

Honesty is a great quality in a potential sexual partner. A few years later, and the joke was still wildly out of control, seeping into my Tinder presence. Sarah Michelle Gellar has a lovely nose. Cruel Intentions is a great movie.

1. Say More Than “Hi”

At some point, I decided this was a perfectly reasonable question to ask people I was trying to make out with. This one led to some of my favorite Tinder conversations. It is very important to be totally upfront with matches about your interests, even if those interests are slightly embarrassing or otherwise chip away at the very cool and sexy exterior of your Tinder profile.

This message served two purposes: Sometimes, you just gotta get straight to the point.

So while you should avoid using netspeak too much, using slang or an unusual greeting is considered a great move. You could always spruce it up a bit and go with a foreign greeting, but make sure you know what it means otherwise you could come off looking like a bit of a Del boy. While everybody enjoys compliments on their looks, focusing too much on physical looks seems to imply shallowness.

Messages using words like beautiful and sexy will more often than not end up getting deleted immediately. Better to focus on interests, or even better, common interests. Talking about your own interests can give the recipient a good idea of what you are like. Nothing starts a conversation quicker than a question, so do yourself a huge favour and simply ask one.

I know this is not marketing school but, like a marketer, you are trying to reel someone in.

2. The Best Opening Lines Aren’t Lines At All

And just like an ad agency makes a call to action, you can too, by simply asking about an interest or even suggesting a dinner date. Unless you are actively seeking a partner of a specific faith, then it is probably a good idea to leave out any religious words in your first message. Religion is always a bit of a minefield in the dating game and you really need to be careful not to offend anyone or risk being offended yourself. Strange how in the world of dating we have always been told that self confidence is extremely attractive, but the opposite holds true with regards to online dating.

Putting yourself down or being a little shy or awkward can come across rather endearing.

How to Write Your First Online Dating Message

Whereas as over confidence can often be a turn off in a first message. Though the goal is to keep your message short, you should still put time and thought into it.

MeetMindful recommends online daters stick to the three-sentence rule. You introduce yourself, say something witty, ask a question, and get out of there. Just say enough to capture his or her attention. People want their dates to read their profiles and like the information they chose to put on there. Have you been binge-watching anything good recently? Whatever you say, you should definitely talk more about the other person rather than yourself in that first message.

While giving compliments is usually a great move for a dater, it can come off as a little creepy when coming from a stranger online. Save it for the second or third message.

A Very Sensible, Queer Guide To Sending the First Message On Tinder | Autostraddle

The context of your compliment matters. When you meet someone in person, feel free to be complimentary. According to Match. I know this is going to sound crazy, but people on the internet lie sometimes. Men lied most often about their jobs and their height, while women lied most often about their weight and their age.