Gay dating a bi guy experience reddit
The gay community as a whole needs some work. If you need to talk, I'm here. Just pm me. If not, I wish you the best and hope things get better, eventually. I'm not going to say I know you better than you know yourself, nor am I assuming you're incorrect in your experiences. I know too many of us in the LGBT community are quick to judge or discredit the experience of bisexuals and I know bisexuals are treated unfairly from within the community.
I'm sorry for that. Hear me out, though: I say this because before I came out as gay, I had fantasies about men and acknowledged that I liked men, but I truly believed that I would never marry or even date a guy. The thought of it was too alien and unconventional and almost perverse and so I figured I'd just be alone forever.
It wasn't until I officially came out--to everyone, and began living my life as an openly gay man--that I began entertaining the idea of dating a guy. I had to spend time being out and open about it, talking with others, normalizing the idea of same sex relationships in my head before the romantic feelings could emerge. I don't know if you've ever tried being with a guy romantically. And again, I'm not claiming to know you better than you know yourself. What I am saying, though, is that I know how good humans can be at lying to ourselves.
We can do it so well we sometimes don't even realize we're lying. It would be a shame, in my view, to limit yourself simply because you never worked up the nerve to explore certain aspects of yourself. Regardless of where you lie on the spectrum, I do think coming out is only going to help you. I don't think anyone has ever truly felt that they were less happy in the end because they stopped hiding who they are from the world.
There are likely aspects of your personality you haven't realized as a result of not coming out. Give it some thought. In my experience, gay men who aren't interested in the culture that has developed within that community or have interests or personalities that stray too far from the dictates of that culture don't tend to be acknowledged or supported any more than bi men.
I think the problem with the politicisation of same sex attraction is that, even though it was necessary to fight for the rights of same sex attracted people, it's sort of changed the gay community into more of a gay movement, and as a result the focus is narrowed to those specific gay men that formed the face of the movement. In that sort of environment, bi men are like the "least gay" and lack of gay cred equates to lack of a place within the movement i.
I think the answer or at least for me is to find support in other places, because ultimately there's not much in common between a lot of same sex attracted men and the LGBT ''community" other than same sex attraction. Find good friends who'll support you, confide in your partner or family. These are the people who are important, not some amorphous "community" whose goals and culture don't include you. Thanks for sharing.
I know quite a few men in the same situation, at least in our social circle there is no stigma attached to it. I've heard lots of stories that sound more like yours though, it's a real shame. I've heard bi-sexual women have a similar experience. A lot of lesbians don't trust them. It's not all roses for you folks it seems, but I do still feel like you all are privileged to be able to have relationships and sexual experiences with both sexes.
It must make life interesting. I'd say this is probably pretty common, which is why sex researchers had to create the category "MSM" Men who have sex with men , because many of the men so categorized self-identify as heterosexual despite their desires and activities. It would be nice if we had a better understanding and acceptance of the fluidity of sexuality so that these men could be more open and comfortable about themselves.
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This is why it's sometimes useful to put on the "separate romantic and sexual orientations" hat. I think it's too simplistic and binary to treat as a Fact, but it's a good way to broaden your thinking. For example, my partner under that model would be a panromantic or biromantic heterosexual - he's aroused by traditionally female physiology, but has intimate feelings for people regardless of gender.
Hence marrying me, a nonbinary person, and one of his exes is a trans guy. So you could describe yourself as a heteroromantic bisexual - again, i think in actual fact life is more complicated than that, but trying it on for a bit in your head might still help the world make more sense. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy. All rights reserved. Want to join? Log in or sign up in seconds.
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This is a pro-feminist community. Don't be uncivil. Do not editorialize headlines. No "outrage porn"-type articles. Welcome to Reddit, the front page of the internet. Become a Redditor and subscribe to one of thousands of communities. I think it would bother me only because i would be so insecure feeling like i not only had to compete with hot girls but also hot guys. The biggest fear is that the guy is lying to himself, forcing himself to be with women cause he doesnt want to be gay.
As long as you show her that you're comfortable with your sexuality, and confident in your attraction to women, it's cool. A guy I was dating was bisexual, but he didnt want to touch the subject nor answer my questions about it. It made me feel like he was in some sort of denial or something, so it freaked me out. We worked it out at the end but i wished he was more comfortable, confident open about it.
Ladies, would you date a guy knowing he is bisexual? : dating
Avoiding the subject made it seem sketchy. Same here, but he lied about his history and preferences. We couldn't work it out because of the lying. It was such a shame. Sometimes I feel as though I wasted years of my life with him because he was ultimately happier with men though still bi. Wouldn't bother me at all and I'm a heterosexual female.
I think it scares some people because its not something they're familiar with. Once I learned about sexuality in Ancient Greece, I started to realize that sexual fluidity has existed for a long time.
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I've dated some bisexual guys and it was fine, but they always had this insecure vibe and were a bit too feminine and I personally didn't really like that. I'm currently dating a bisexual guy but i am also a bisexual female. It doesn't bother me. From my experience some women prefer bi guys over straight guys since they are usually a bit more emotional and understanding. There are plenty of girls that would.
And that should go in the other direction too. But there are plenty of girls who would be okay with it. There is no point in hiding who you are. You rather be open about it from the beginning. Absolutely, and have done so in the past. I am also bisexual, so it would be pretty hypocritical to refuse to date someone with the same basic orientation as me. I wouldn't. Also, I lol'd so hard when I saw "Like a gay bestfriend who loves to go down on you". Love it. Yeah women worry about being raped and bi and gay men worry about being assaulted sometimes raped but statistically less so we get the female experience better then straights being sexually assaulted is worse I know from experience, but getting clocked for crossing your legs the wrong way isn't fun ether.
I have to worry about how I dress, how drunk I get, and especially how swishy my wrists get when I go out. We understand better. I think a shared not equivalent amount of oppression makes bi guys much more likely to see women as equals compared to straights, and we both probably know what it feels like to get fucked in the ass. Yep, pretty much. I love him so damn much, just the way he is, and it's so hard for me to fathom how anyone could have ever treated him like shit or intentionally hurt him.