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I knew pretty much nothing about the gay community, and was eager to learn. So I created a Twitter profile using a fake name and used it to chat to guys online. It felt like I was living a double life.

'Growing up, it felt like I was too gay to be black and too black to be gay'

It was upsetting, but also exhilarating. I started messaging a man and, before long, we were seeing each other. I had my first sexual experience with him and I felt so free when we were together. I would sneak out to meet him on the weekend, and for a brief while I felt totally happy.

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After a few months things with that guy fizzled out, but something inside me was different after sleeping with him. My confidence had grown, and I started messaging a few different men. Before long these messages became phone calls, and several of those phone calls got pretty explicit. My sister has a couple of gay friends, so I thought she would be understanding - and I was right. But then came mum overhearing the phone calls.

My experience as a gay, black man

By the time this happened I was well on my way to saving enough money to move out. Her response devastated me. Though my mum and I were never that close, part of me hoped my coming out might bring down some of the walls between us.


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But the opposite happened - there were more barriers between us than ever before. We continued to live in the same house for several uncomfortable months.


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  • Mum acted like I had never told her I was gay. We barely spoke, except to make polite chit-chat. I knew I had to leave. He mentioned there was a spare room in the student house he was about to move into - and I jumped at the chance to take it. I ended up living with four students, three of whom were also gay.

    Jamel on his experience as a gay, black man

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