Dating a gay man who posts a lot of selfies on instagram
The other night, a stranger with an ambiguous-looking avatar and a private account DMed me on Instagram to tell me he was gay.
He then asked how I reconcile my homosexuality with being Muslim he'd likely just seen a video about my relationship with my Muslim father. We went back and forth briefly until I politely declined coffee, and suggested that finding someone in his life to talk to would be more fulfilling than a stranger on the Internet. I have conversations like that on Twitter or Instagram almost weekly, but I have just a couple thousand followers on each.
Meaning the inbox of a successful Instagay—the burgeoning cult of beautiful gay men on Instagram, with follower counts that reach into five or six digits—must be inundated.
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- Never Date A Guy Who’s Constantly Posting Selfies.
- Sick Of Swiping On Selfies? This New Dating App Could Change The Game | HuffPost Life.
Perhaps unsurprisingly, the Instagay phenomenon is often criticized for being vapid and misrepresenting modern gay life. It seems like many Instagays know each other , and so their world is unique.
Instagays, Unfiltered
Ask a gay man to close his eyes and picture one, and he might see Charles-Laurent Marchand , a year-old former runway model studying to be a pastry chef. Followers travel the world alongside him, often in first class; in one story, he stripped down to Versace briefs in a lie-flat bet. He broke , followers last October. Many, unsurprisingly, are sponsored by protein powders or teeth whiteners.
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Over the past few years, these men have captured a not-insignificant slice of the popular queer imagination. And while gay culture has always slavishly worshipped unrealistic ideas of beauty, from physique model magazines and the cult of Tom of Finland , Instagay culture may take this worship to a new level. What if these are our new gay icons? And what happens when a new queer generation looks to them as role models and idols, people whose lives are their proof that it gets much, much better?
Is the superficiality of Instagay culture really something they should look up to?
Instagays, Unfiltered - VICE
How many of them are reaching out to Instagays for help through dark times, as they do to me? And how many of them have nowhere else to turn?
I sought to ask the Instagays directly. After DMing John, 33, to talk about his experience, he invited me over to his Nolita apartment. By the time I climbed six flights to reach him, I had sweat through my white dress shirt, and no filter could glamorize me—I was the opposite of an Instagay. Nonetheless, he sketched me while I interviewed him, flicking on a spotlight and directing me towards a stool.
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I fixated on how I sat while John drew me, and I asked if his other subjects did, too. He quickly painted a picture of his most-followed models as illusionists. Yet their conversations often betray insecurities lurking beneath. I ask if he thinks his work contributes to body dysmorphia in the gay community.
His answer almost sounds media trained. After our interview, he shows me his sketch. Fox says that all the guys studied scored within the normal range of behavior. However, some had higher-than-average antisocial tendencies. Before you bail on your Selfie Stick-toting man, you should also keep in mind that all self-reported surveys, like this one, leave room for error since there's no way to tell if the participants are being truthful or recalling their past behaviors accurately.
And even though narcissism and psychopathy may be correlated when it comes to posting photos, it doesn't necessarily mean one behavior causes the other, says Fox. The bottom line: Regardless of what it means about his levels of narcissism and psychopathy, if your man is blowing up Instagram with duck face photos all day erryday, you should probably be wary. Think your partner might be a little too into himself? Find out the seven signs you're dating a narcissist. Type keyword s to search. Today's Top Stories.
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Ashley Oerman Senior Editor Ashley Oerman is a senior editor at Cosmopolitan, covering fitness, health, and sexual health.