Lampoon guide to gay dating
Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today's gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors. Opinions on a date are more like your lesbian best friend: We know she's important to you and we're glad you have her, but we have no idea why you'd want to introduce us to her on a first meeting and turn the evening into a serious downer.
If you do opt to discuss current events, avoid anything so controversial it will destroy potential chemistry, like Crimea, Obama's job performance, or the relevance of HBO's "Looking. Fashions change, so know the basics: No flip-flops, no shaving, and, even if it is after Memorial Day, absolutely no white underwear.
If you like the guy and want things to go well, put everything out on the table: HIV status, views on monogamy, and, for Florida residents, guns. It's a sign of a true gentleman if you walk him to his door and he says it's too soon for you to come inside. It's also more than likely a sign that he still lives with his on-again off-again ex. If, in the heat of the moment, you do find yourself in bed together after the date, remember to keep the foreplay going for at least 30 minutes. This allows ample time for intimate kisses, exploring each other's body, and for the Cialis to kick in.
Sadly, gay men are self-centered and narcissistic, so instead of talking about your abusive childhood upbringing and triumph over Legionnaires disease, read this piece over and over and out loud until I'm so happy I wet myself.
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Lampoon guide to gay dating - Where You Can Fall In Love For Real
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Lampoon guide to gay dating
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