How to be a better gay bottom

You tell your partner when to move, when to go forward, when to stop, when to move again. Just as you did with their fingers: Grip, release. Breathe deeply and slowly, and guide them into you. Micro-tears in the anus happen pretty easily when you have anal sex. The walls of the rectum the inside of your butt are delicate. Some tears are worse than others. Most are pretty painless and heal up quickly on their own. They may itch, sting, or burn when you try to have sex or use the bathroom.

17 Tips for Happier, Healthier Bottoming

While micro-tears or fissures are rarely very painful, they become open gateways for infection. Unprotected bottoming is a high-risk activity for sexually transmitted infections like HIV, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and more. So far, the only drug approved for PrEP is Truvada, but more drugs are on the way. Condoms are also incredibly effective at preventing STIs like chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea, and the combination of condoms and PrEP greatly reduce your risk of contracting all of these. Most sexually active adults have some strain of HPV.

Get your body and your butt regularly inspected by a doctor for warts and other signs that you might have an infection. Improving your sex skills takes time, practice, and — in my opinion — some butt training. Not every bottom trains their butt to prepare for the experience, but I did. After I learned to enjoy the sensation of my ass opening and stretching, my skills drastically improved, and sex finally became really fun.

Buy a small butt plug no larger than an inch in diameter , preferably one made of smooth, soft silicone. Lube it up generously with silicone toys, use water-based lube , and slowly slide it in. Concentrate on the feeling of the stretch and slowly — slowly! Breathe, relax, and repeat.

Pro tip: This is way more fun with a playmate you trust, who is patient and will listen to your needs. You will probably find — as I did — that after you stop clenching and finally relax your butt, the feeling of your hole opening feels really good.

And then it feels great. After working with the same small plug for a few weeks or as long as it takes to feel enjoyable , try a slightly bigger butt plug. Gradually build size and speed, and above all else, focus on enjoying the feeling. Your body has an impulsive reaction of tightening your muscles and clenching when something feels uncomfortable. To read more on bottoming, check out part one of this guide: He answers reader-submitted sex questions on his blog, The Beastly Ex-Boyfriend , and writes the gay sex and dating column Sexy Beast for The Advocate.

Get the best of what's queer. Sign up for our weekly newsletter here. Does bottoming hurt? How do I protect myself from HIV and other sexually transmitted infections?

TOP 10 TIPS FOR MIND-BLOWING BOTTOMING

How do I get better at bottoming? Tags evergreen queer sex sex. Read More. Silicone lube can also be used in the shower, since it will not wash off with water, meaning you can use it for douching and for shower sex. I have a latex allergy. When I get fisted, I use non-latex gloves. My sex life did not really begin until a friend told me he has a latex allergy and suggested maybe that was my problem as well.

1. Consume high amounts of fiber.

The very next day, I went out and bought my first box of non-latex condoms. My life was changed. Latex allergies are more common than you might realize.

If you are repeatedly having uncomfortable sex and your hole feels like it is burning or badly irritated every time you use latex condoms, try a non-latex condom made of Polyisoprene read: It took me a long time to stop asking guys during sex to pull out and check their penises for shit. Few of them would have cared if there was any, but I did. In my mind, I could not imagine having sex with a dirty hole.

This paranoia has ruined sex for me several times in my life and frustrated tops who knew what they were getting into — literally. It is butt sex, after all, and if you do it enough, you are at some point going to encounter traces of that other thing the ass does. Whether you are a total top or a total bottom or totally versatile, be less afraid of shit. Keep an eye out for blood. Every time you have anal sex, you get micro-fissures. These are tiny tears that may not bleed at all and will probably not cause any pain, but they are still gateways for HIV transmission.

However, when you see red, it is a sign that you have gone too rough or perhaps have not used enough lube, and it is time to stop. If you are a recreational bottom, this will happen at some point in your life.

How to Bottom: Queer Guide to Anal Sex Part 1 - them.

Do not live in fear of bleeding — stress and sex phobia are more unhealthy than most other ailments — but know that your likelihood for anal injury is higher if you are a cock-loving bitch who loves getting pounded. Again, fiber will aid the healing process of both these common ailments that befall bottoms. While anal fissures are quite common, some ass injuries can require a trip to the hospital.

If you puncture your colon or are bleeding badly and in extreme pain, get yourself to an Emergency Room as soon as possible. Ass injuries are not to be scoffed at. But I must also stress that if you have smart, sane, and consensual sex, and only push your limits within reason without exceeding your abilities, you can enjoy bottoming for years without problems.

We now live in an age when PrEP gives HIV-negative men and women extra precaution against HIV transmission — a precaution that, according to every statistic available, is more dependable than regular condom use. But while PrEP has the potential to lower HIV transmission rates among the people who can get access to the costly medication, rates for other STIs like chlamydia and gonorrhea and syphilis are soaring among gay men. I do not shame barebacking because most of my sex is bare and condom-less.

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I am a piggy guy who loves male bodily fluids — cum, sweat, piss, spit, in that order — but I also know my sex practices involve STI infection. Most clinics and LGBT centers say that sexually active gay men should receive a full-range testing every three months. Since I am having regular bareback sex, I get tested every month, no exceptions. Getting tested every month is not a preventative healthcare practice, but a responsive one. While I agree that most responsive healthcare regimens are less healthy in the long run than preventative care — our overmedicated society is evidence of that — I concede here that monthly STI testing and PrEP jointly face a present reality: But for men on PrEP who make the decision not to use condoms, monthly testing is the minimum degree of self-care that you should practice.

While bareback pigs frequently incur shaming and anger from people both in and outside the gay community, stigmatizing a lifestyle does little to address its reality. Barebacking is in, and the vast majority of homos I know do it. So rather than cast blame, the wisest response is for me and every health care worker and conscientious gay man to urge guys who bareback to get tested as frequently as possible.